One of the hardest parts of parenting.

Being a parent is hard. Like really hard. I would have to say, in my 32 years of life, this is probably the most challenging thing I have done with my life. And I've had a pretty "challenging" life. lol. We are blessed with these little sweet blessings without any "training" or coaching. Sure you have advice from trusted sources like your own mother or grandmother. Or friends. But every child is different and this really is not a case of "one size fits all".

I've always been one who, how do we say, likes to have control of situations. I like things a certain way. And I don't really think that's a bad thing. I've never been late to anything that I can control. I'm very strict on the foods that come into our household. I don't do things that I don't want to do. But you know who has a way of challenging all these things about myself? My children. Oh my sweet children. And I've noticed in the almost 5 years that I've been a parent, My voice has gotten louder. I'll just say it: I yell a lot. Sox, I love her so, but darn it if that girl must touch EVERYTHING that does not belong to her. Its like an addiction for her to find stuff that she shouldn't be touching and then she grabs it. *sigh*. And Beanie. Oh Beanie. I love my Beanie but that girl is as bull headed as they come. If she doesn't want to do something, Well she just isn't going to do it. And the kicking and screaming come along with it. And when those two girls are together.....well they either super love each other or SUPER can't stand each other. Screaming and yelling is heard throughout the house. Which turns into me screaming and yelling to be louder than them and get their attention. I'm not proud of it. Its just something that has evolved over the years. I used to marvel at my friends and other parents who seemed to have it together. Well balanced children and such a peaceful demeanor. Why couldn't this happen in my house? I decided, this needs to change ASAP.

I don't know why, but over this past week or so I've had a lot of situations which have left me sitting back and really taking a hard look at myself. And a hard look at myself with my children. I love my children more than life itself. It makes me tear up just thinking about how much. And it just breaks my heart to think of them only remembering their childhood with yelling all the time. So I have made a conscious effort to not yell. And you know what....its been nice.

 

  

Just when I get to that point, You know that point: when your blood pressure is getting higher, and you are gritting your teeth while trying to talk. At that point, I find myself almost holding my breath while I calmly talk which is in turn bringing my voice level down. I give the however number of warnings before punishment is given, be it loss of privilege or a time out. Or both. Which has happened. And the interesting part of all of it is that I've noticed I AM happier as well. And I've learned to appreciate my children more. A feeling that I don't ever want to lose. I sit with Sox and look at her while she is explaining something while fidgeting her hands, and just marvel at her beauty and tenderness. And Beanie with all her rambunctious two year old energy. I steal a kiss and a hug whenever I can get them as they are few and far between now. When Sox touches things she isn't supposed to, I warn her and remind her that she must ask first if it doesn't belong to her. And when it happens again, I calmly remind her that she was warned and soon punishment will happen. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But I've learned that she listens more and thinks about her actions more.  Same with Beanie. Of course it takes a few more warnings but she, I believe, is starting to understand more.

Its so funny what you learn when you really take a step back and look at yourself. I try to do this quite often just to keep myself in check. I don't want my house to be a household of yelling and anger. I don't want my children to learn to be that. I want my children to remember a lot of love and peace in our house. I don't want my children to fear me but instead to respect me. These years go by so fast. Why, if we have the choice, not spend those times screaming at each other but instead loving and caring and really teaching our children. And how else are they to learn than from you? Its time for that cycle to be broken in our house. And its starting with me.